“There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you had enough.” -Unknown
I had to learn this the hard way. I never wanted to be that person who gave up on someone/something. My heart is too big and I care entirely too much at times. Further, some of us may hold on to past pain because it gives us some type of identity. We use that past pain to serve as a guide to our current behaviors and actions. We find ourselves with no boundaries or too many boundaries. We lock people out and will not let anyone inside. We are stuck and/or overwhelmed.
Today, I cringe at the thought of me not understanding the difference of giving up and letting go. Say it with me: “Balance is key. Balance is key. BALANCE IS KEY.” As you evolve you will outgrow people, places, routines, and your lifestyle. It’s an awkward feeling but it’s normal and necessary for growth.
Still not sure if it is time to let go? Check yo’self.
Fear holding you back from moving on? • Someone’s negativity/negative energy rubbing off on you?• Still holding on to that grudge • Have your goals changed? • Find yourself living in the past? • Are you growing by learning anything new?
The list is can go on and on. Ask yourself the necessary questions in order to let go.
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – C.S. Lewis
Allow yourself to heal and move forward. Here are a few ways to do so:
- Are you going to let go or nah? It is up to you to make the conscious choice and effort to let go. First accept that you are letting go and then commit to letting go. It is imperative to be honest with yourself during this process because the consequences can be harmful to yourself. This is a choice to stop replaying past painful situations and reminding yourself of someone who hurt you. Do not give life to things that are dead.
- Take a step back. Sometimes distancing yourself will help you gain a clear understanding of what is going on around you. Look into something else for a while. Give yourself time to release, gather your thoughts, and breathe. You will come back with clarity and see things with a fresh set of eyes.
- No victims here. There is a level of comfort in being the victim because many people are on your side. However, there comes a time where we must take responsibility of our happiness. Please do not confuse this as “your situation/feelings don’t matter.” Yes, of course you matter as well as your situation/feelings, but you have a choice. How much longer will you allow the past-that person who hurt you-that situation that happened- to have power over you? Love, it is time to let go.
- Forgive. Forgive those who have hurt you and most importantly forgive yourself. If you really want to release the pain of the past it is imperative to forgive. Certainly, forgiveness is not an easy step, but believe me, forgiving those who hurt me in the past is one of the best decisions I have made for my mental and emotional health. Further, once I forgave myself I stopped beating up on myself and began to live in peace. This where my self-love journey officially began.
- Focus on the present. Take note that I did not mention the future. Focus on today, right now. Letting go of the past is not an overnight process. You can prepare for the future, but that will distract you from living in the present. The more you focus on the present, the less time you have to worry about the past. It is normal to find yourself drifting back to the past, but once you acknowledge it, correct it. Softly bring yourself back to the present and refocus. Take a deep breath and keep going. You got this!
This isn’t easy, but you deserve to live your best life on your terms. No need to carry the pain of the past because you live and you learn. Life is way too short to stress. Guard your heart. Live in the present. Choose happiness and soon you will conquer joy. Let it go.